As we left a shadow of the National Gallery building, we saw a crowd focused on the large elevated screen. When we entered the square, suddenly everyone around us kneeled. Paradoxically, it felt strange but somehow familiar, ringing old bells of a long forgotten past. As an observer I resisted a conformist call to join the people and bend my knees. We carried on, getting deeper into the increasingly white and red abyss of mourners.

Last Sunday, around three thousand members of Polish community in London gathered by a swiftly erected media altar on which they followed the last way of tragically died President Kaczynski and his wife Maria, transmitted by TV Polonia. In a midst of national dispute the presidential couple was buried in Wawel Castle in Krakow among kings and heroes. The ceremony was full of symbolism, pathos and awkward elements I could not comprehend (e.g. coffins being towed on the pieces of artillery by military police Hammers).

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My first reaction on the news of the crash was a disbelief, which given the extent of the tragedy seemed natural. Astonished, I have turned into a silent witness watching how a small stream of news on the bottom of the screen turns into the rapid, wild river of special reports, breaking news, and live interviews. Since Saturday, I was trying to write something clear, transparent and most of all accurate. I asked myself what has really happened and what to expect in a near future? I couldn’t get an answer. I was paralysed, but not by grief or sorrow, but by a deep, multilevel confusion.

First source of this disarray was in media, both national and international. I was expecting that polish broadcasts will be totally dominated by the tragic death of so many prominent personas, but not to the extent where the outside World ceases to exist. Somehow this fixation on national martyrdom seemed familiar and partly echoed the death of Pope five years ago. It would be against our nature to miss the opportunity to focus on ourselves, and ourselves only.

The international media moved a step further. In my entire life, I have not seen so many experts, inaccurately pronouncing so many semi truths and stereotypes. On Saturday afternoon, I found out that Poland is a devout catholic country (CNN), and soon after that President Kaczynski has brought back a sense of integrity [you know] and sense of dignity to polish politics (interview with President Saakashvilli on BBC). A bit later it has been announced that in crash perished not only President and his wife but also an entire generation of polish political elite. Next to come, I was expecting the information about widespread chaos in a country, but I think that someone has realised that this entire storm is going a little too far. On Sunday British newspapers were auguring the inevitable rise of the conspiracy theories (Observer, Sunday Telegraph) and American stations were interviewing ordinary people crying on the streets of Warsaw. Despite the fact, that pronunciation of polish names on TV has improved, I was still confused.

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The second origin of my strange confusedness was the people. I remember Kaczynski brothers very well; in fact, I had a pleasure to write a dissertation about their generation taking power from communists in the early 90’s. Both Lech (RIP) and his brother Jaroslaw played a meaningful (but not always constructive) role in polish politics. Short before his death President had a support of roughly a quarter of a nation. After he tragically died, he became a hero, a symbol waking up old myths and bringing people together to light a candle or leave the flowers on Krakowskie Przedmiescie in Warsaw. Touched commentators were eagerly forecasting a quality change in polish society, an eradication of the culture of a squabble and a rise of new national unity. Getting more and more confused, I couldn’t believe it.

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It is not far from truth statement that Poles are unique, and for years I was convinced that I have a rare comprehension of all these distinctive qualities. The recent behaviour of my fellow nationals nearly brought me to a conclusion that I have lost a touch, and I should stop writing and talking about Poland (shut up). I thought: this is it, years of emigration and prosaic adult life finally stripped me of my sense of ‘Polishness’. Hanged in the vacuum, naked and without identity I was saved by a decision of Archbishop Dziwisz to bury Presidential Couple in Wawel Cathedral in Krakow.

Soon after the announcement, people pressed the pause button in mourning and started to argue and protest as they used to, and as they should do in accord to their national predisposition. In no time a row has flooded the public debate and today after listening to polish radio and reading newspaper articles I have my identity back. I can think clearly and I will not (shut up) stop writing.

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In an early hours of this morning polish Eagle One has descended into the thick fog covering the approach to Smolensk airstrip. Despite several attempts, the aging Tu – 154 had never reached its destination.

Among others, the plane carried the presidential couple, Chief of Staff of the Army, Governor of National Bank, Human Rights Ombudsman, and Chief of the National Security Bureau, members of Parliament, high ranked military commanders, historians, and other senior officials and Catholic Church dignitaries. All of 97 crew and passengers had perished in terrible crash, which shocked the nation and the world.

The televisions and internet sites all around the Planet are reporting this tragic event unprecedented in history, sad and staggering for the families and entire nation unified in mourning.

It seems that spring is eventually coming to Europe. Despite rising temperatures polish political world seems to be frozen in some magical crystal of no merit. Skimming press releases and occasionally watching TV is not a good way to find out what is going on. Most of the news is dominated by presidential elections and quasi primaries in Civic Platform. The debacle between Mr Komorowski and Mr Sikorski to get the party blessing is struggling to fit to polish political culture and brings more confusion than substance. It looks like Mr Komorowski will triumph, and subsequently win the elections. Expectedly, the Law and Justice party is not glad and keeps using its tested tactics to discredit other candidates, stir political debate and shift focus of public opinion. …Boring

Those who had the opportunity to live in Poland for a while would agree that nearly every Pole has a tendency to complain about something. It might be another stereotype, but there is a small amount of truth in it. The problem is that now, after 20 years of relatively democratic existence and the recent success of outmanoeuvring recession, complaining has become a little more difficult in Poland. It is widely acknowledged that as the only country in EU the Republic of Poland has registered an economic growth last year. It is tempting to let your fantasy loose and think what sort of a place this country would be if problems such as bad infrastructure, corruption, bureaucracy and ineffective tax system would be eliminated. The current government set ambitious goals for the years ahead. The embattled and apparently charismatic Prime Minister Mr Tusk has decided that it will be him to lead Poland towards uncertain future. It is highly probable that one of the Civic Platform politicians will become the new President in this year elections.

All this, sets Poland as a liberal success story in Eastern Europe, the very same region of Latvia, Lithuania and Ukraine, devastated by the economic downturn. It also contributes to the image of Poland as a great country to invest money and transfer technology and knowhow. Foreign investors should take advantage of Poland’s assets such as highly skilled and still cheap in European standards workforce, stable and growing economy, well managed financial system and neo-liberal government susceptible to innovation. On the other hand, one should remember that with its 36 million citizens Poland is still struggling with systemic problems. Approximately 4 million live below poverty line, teachers, police, healthcare workers and other on government payroll are underpaid and possibly demoralised, corruption is rife, bureaucracy discourages business and still 2 million Poles choose to live and work abroad rather than in the homeland.

With responsible government and charming President, growing economy and reforms under way Poland has a chance to become a target country of foreign investment. The key to success lies in good governance, innovation and hard work.

After the Thursday’s announcement of the Prime Minister that he would not be a candidate in this year’s presidential elections, the question: who will be then? – has gained on popularity. Two of the prominent Civic Platform politicians seem to be the subject of the speculations: The Marshal of the Sejm – Mr. Bronislaw Komorowski and the Minister of Foreign Affairs Mr. Radoslaw Sikorski. Both are presentable and well established within polish political system and both, according to the recent polls, will have a big chance to beat the incumbent President Lech Kaczynski. These cheerful statistics should reduce the party’s problem to aesthetic choice, whether to have a candidate with moustache or without. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Some of the Platform politicians tend to favour an innovative idea of party’s primaries; others postulate prompt designation of the presidential candidate.

Last week except the unpleasant anniversary of the introduction of martial law in December of 1981, the polish media have found another peculiar date to celebrate and praise. The Balcerowicz’s Plan was undoubtedly one of the most controversial and disputed reforms in the recent history of Poland. It was introduced twenty years ago to transform the centrally mismanaged and close to bankruptcy economy into the free market capitalist one, which you can see in action now. With the growing landscape of Warsaw on the horizon and the overoptimistic macroeconomic prognosis served by the Ministry of Finance one can come to the conclusion that professor Balcerowicz has been right in putting Poland on to the Chicago School economic tracks of shock therapy. For the foreign media and bankers, executives, some entrepreneurs, lawyers, political elites, former security apparatus employees, and possibly for some around 2% of population the ‘third republic’ is a success story. I assume that there is also a group of those who will say that the current situation is OK – not as good as it could be and not the worst of all possible outcomes. These are probably the army of state employees, successful owners of small businesses, farmers who benefited from EU agricultural subsidies or to be as general as possible everyone who can afford a slightly more than every month struggle to pay bills and feed their children.

Having said all that, it becomes easier to forget the dark side of the Balcerowicz shock therapy. It is a national phenomenon this forgetfulness about poor, excluded, ill and hungry. The extent of poverty in Poland is outrageous. Personally, I don’t understand how this government can maintain contingents of troops on foreign missions and with clear conscience wish all citizens Merry Christmas. It can be safely estimated that 15% of more than 36 million people live below the poverty line, and still in a recent pool on the Polityka.pl portal nearly 70% people supported the claim that the Balcerowicz plan has made life of the ordinary Pole better and decent. The liberal economic though seems to triumph under polish roofs.

On this occasion, I would like to wish Merry Christmas to everyone who has been forgotten in the whirlwind of liberal reforms in Poland. I wish you that one day someone will see misery of your lives and change Poland into the country taking care of all its citizens – not only successful ones.